PICK YOUR PAIN

  • 001

    A SIMPLE POINT MADE REPEATEDLY. 3 NAILS PAID FOR MANKIND’S SINS. WHAT CAN 55 DO?

  • 002

    USING YOUR PHONE IS BAD FOR YOU. SO IS BEING CUT BY A BROKEN BEER BOTTLE. PROBLEM: SOLVED.

  • 003

    VINTAGE HARDWARE HAND-CURATED FROM LOCAL BEACH FIRE PITS TO ASK THE QUESTION: TEXTS OR TETANUS?

  • 004

    PAIRS PERFECTLY WITH A SHARP CHEDDAR, GRUYERE, AND TRIPS TO URGENT CARE.

  • 005

    005

    PLANTS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS CASE. NOW, THEY WANT REVENGE.

  • 006

    THIS SEASON, PAIR YOUR PLAIDS WITH BLOODSTAINS.

  • 007

    REAL SCORPIONS. REAL, REAL CREEPY.

FEATURES:

  • ADVANCED ANTI-ERGONOMIC AND ANTI-AESTHETIC DESIGN

  • PHONE-DAMAGING LOW-GRIT SANDPAPER LINING

  • INCOMPATIBLE WITH ALMOST ALL PHONE MOUNTS, CUPHOLDERS, POCKETS, MOST SURFACES AND LIVING THINGS.

  • PRETTY MUCH RENDERS CAMERA USELESS

  • NOT ETHICALLY NOR SUSTAINABLY MADE

  • LOW-QUALITY MATERIALS AND AMATEUR CONSTRUCTION

  • DISSATISFACTION AND REGRET GUARANTEED

  • DANGEROUS AND POSSIBLY ILLEGAL